found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
