Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
