Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
