Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
