Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
