hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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