Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize