The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize