Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
