Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
