IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
