My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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