i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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