This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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