Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How external is "for external use only"?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize