If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm always down for nudity.
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