just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize