This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
