OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
