Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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