so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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