You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You were trust falling into bushes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
