Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
