tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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