I swear she didn't look like that last week.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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