Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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