he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
