I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize