Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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