I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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