FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They took my balls.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
