well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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