I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm always down for nudity.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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