Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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