the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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