It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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