it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
