we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
