i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
