well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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