Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
