You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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