he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
