Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
