We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
