He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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