Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
