This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
