3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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