The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is classic penis vs brain.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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