I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm jealous of your bromance
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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