I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize