I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
