she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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