You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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