What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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