My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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