i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
