The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
