I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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