clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
