I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
