she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
