i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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