Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
