I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
