the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
