if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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