just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
