Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
